Monday, February 4, 2013

Maintaining Integrity: Why It's Important To Do What You Say You'll Do

According to Wikipedia (which everyone KNOWS is the most reliable source for all your answers and burning questions, except Yahoo Answers, of course) "integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs."

The first part that stands out to me is "internal consistency as a virtue". Personal virtues are defined as individual characteristics that make up a collective and individual greatness. It's important to note that the opposite of virtue is vice - a vice is generally a means to avoid something, some uncomfortable feeling or emotion - while virtue is a positive trait that makes up a whole, "good" and well-meaning person.

For someone to have and maintain true integrity, if integrity is of importance to them, it simply means to remain consistent in your life, your words, and your actions, and your promises. For example, say someone you don't really care for invites you to a birthday party. Or say, you do care about that person, but you just know you can't make it - the reason doesn't really matter. The bottom line is, do you have the integrity to politely decline, or are you someone who frequently makes plans and says yes but doesn't follow through?

I used to be the HUGEST flake. I never returned calls, ignored e-mails, didn't show up to parties I had RSVP'd to, didn't RSVP to invites, and just plain forgot about a lot of the events I planned for in advance and/or said I would be able to attend. I bailed on friends last minute for lunches or dinners, and made up excuses about why I couldn't make it. Many times I felt justified in doing so and told myself "It's okay, you're stressed, tired, broke, unhappy, self conscious, insert excuse here, and they should understand." Even in a perfect world where people do understand each other 100% of the time, it's still not maintaining a sense of integrity to flake on plans anymore (without good reason, which isn't flaking in those cases.)

Integrity is comprised just two things: saying yes and doing it, or saying no and being honest. You can also say yes and be honest, if you really wanted to (honesty is it's own virtue as well.) When you maintain integrity, you are that person that others can always rely on. They trust you because they know you are true to your word. Even when you don't feel like doing something, you still do it. When you say you'll be there at 5:00, you get there at 5:00. When you say you're coming to a party, you actually go and you actually have fun.

Integrity is also being able to say no. How often have you avoided saying no or being honest to someone because you don't want to hurt their feelings? A couple years ago a friend made it apparent to me that I had really hurt his feelings by simply not showing up to an event he had invited me to. I truly had no idea I was even hurting someone. Sometimes when we are really self-absorbed and feeling sorry for ourselves, we have an entire list of excuses to drop at any given moment whenever needed - we are already on the defensive by the time we've flaked because we know we haven't maintained any integrity. And you know what exacerbates feelings of low self-worth? Not maintaining our integrity!

It's a challenge in American society, because we are taught to never offend anyone. Which is understandable  but also impossible. We can't please everyone - on one hand, it's not our job to cater to others' feelings 24 hours a day. But it is our job, as ethical human beings, to be honest, able to say no to ourselves and to others, and understand when we've hurt someone else because of our own selfishness. I find that many of my friends who don't maintain their integrity have a generally low self-worth (I have been this person!) but the problem remains that without implementing strict integrity in our own actions, we can't gain self-worth.

Think about the last time you wanted to eat healthier, exercise, or had a goal in mind. Did you maintain integrity to yourself to attain that goal? What was the outcome? If you didn't reach your goal or you gave up along the way, what were the excuses you told yourself? Why didn't you show up to your own party?

Part of my goals for 2013 include maintaining integrity in my actions, thoughts, and words as well as my relationships with others. When you need to cancel an appointment or you're unable to make a prearranged meeting, or you can't complete a task that you were given at work, part of integrity is being able to say "I'm sorry, I can't make it, but this is an exception, not a rule; I will make it up in the following ways." Think of every time you have to cancel or you don't follow through as using a "Trust" credit account and charging it - every time you lose integrity, you lose trust in others - even marginally.

How do you implement and maintain integrity in your life?






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