Top 5 Tips for Healthy Body Image

Hey Everyone! Thanks for visiting my blog again! After yesterday's post about some of my struggles with weight and life in general, I thought of another hot topic that seems to come up so frequently in every day conversation: body image.

Most people are probably not aware of how they come across, or what things they say about themselves to negate their own accomplishments or appearance. Especially in groups of women, weight and appearance seem to be the dominating topics of conversation between family members, friends, and coworkers. Women bond over their flaws, rather than their fabulousness.

 

Most of us learn to talk negatively about ourselves from our parents. People who grow up in a household that feeds the criticism of self and others will, by nature, pick up the same bad habits of their parents or siblings. It's an ongoing cycle that is normally carried out through each generation, until someone decides not to participate in negative self talk any longer.

Throughout the past few years, I've worked steadily on obtaining a positive body image, regardless of my size. At my heaviest weight, I was incredibly sad. I may have appeared happy or funny to my friends, but in actuality, I was immensely depressed. It wasn't until my husband encouraged me to seek the help of a professional that I began working toward a healthier body image. 

I started seeing a counselor (who was also a nurse) who had worked in a weight loss surgery clinic. She told me that she was inspired to further her education and become a counselor throughout her time as a nurse. She realized that obesity is an internal issue - not an external issue, how society likes to label it. As she was patiently chipping away at finishing her hours to obtain her counseling license, she became my go to mentor during a very troubling time. 

In our weekly sessions, which I attended for 9 months (without a break!) here are some of the things she taught me that still stand out to me to this day. 

1) Intuitive Eating - the Anti Diet Book

After an initial intake session, including a full history of my life, background, and weight struggles, Michelle introduced me to a book titled "Intuitive Eating". I was skeptical, assuming it was another "diet" plan that I would fail miserably. To my surprise, Intuitive Eating is quite the anti-diet book. Intuitive Eating focuses on a few key points, which I've outlined below.

 

2) Dichotomizing Food

Who decided that food is either "good" or "bad"? Who thought of that?! One of the first things I learned in my sessions and in this book was to stop dichotomizing food. (Dichotomizing is just a fancy term for labeling something as good or bad.) Here's why we should stop labeling food.

Food is neither good nor bad. Food is energy. It is a source of energy, made up of a specific amount of calories, and calories are a unit of heat energy - essentially, calories are higher or lower depending on their unit of heat energy. Think of high quality gasoline as being potentially more caloric, but healthier for your engine  - low quality gas burns more quickly, and is harder on your engine.

Now that we have the basic science out of the way, we can see that neither gas is BAD gas - but one type of gasoline, or fuel, is harder on your engine. The engine has to work harder to use the low quality gasoline, whereas the high octane gasoline keeps your engine running smoothly. Your body is an empty tank, and the foods you eat (regardless of their caloric value or nutrient density) have an effect on the body's state of health. 

That being said, there are no food police. I love this! How liberating would it be to be able to eat ANYTHING you wanted - absolutely anything you were craving - with no limits, except the ones you place on yourself? To be able to enjoy a hefty appetizer at your favorite restaurant, or to have dessert anytime you please? This is one of the steps that really took time for me to understand fully. There are no food police, except the ones in your head, telling you food is good or bad. Let's leave "good" and "bad" up to God to decide. (I'm pretty sure God wants you to eat that cake. Eat it... EAT IT)

3) The Diet Rebel

Basic psychology has proven time and time again that humanity goes against what is forced upon them. It is in our human nature to "rebel" against what we are forced to do. (Who likes going to the dentist? Who puts it off for years at a time? Hey, don't look at me, I go every year!) Point being, we all have a little (or a lot) of the Diet Rebel in us. Here's how to challenge that voice.

The Diet Rebel is that little voice in your head that says, "But I don't WANNNNA lose weight." "I don't WAAANT to make healthy dinner tonight." "I want to be BAD today and eat dessert for dinner." (Which, by the way, isn't a bad thing.) "I don't WAAAAANNNT to exercise." "I don't actually want to lose weight; only other people want me to, so I will show them!" And so on and so forth. Either way, the diet rebel is what prevents you from achieving your goals. And how does that work, you're wondering?

Let me tell you a little secret about the Diet Rebel. The Diet Rebel is a little devil that sits on your shoulder poking you with a hot, red pitchfork. My own personal Diet Rebel (who shall not be named) is the lovely resounding voice that got me to 220 pounds right before my wedding day. I guess you could say, she and I don't really talk much anymore... but she does pop up occasionally.

Now before you write me off as a schizo, hear me out! The reason the Diet Rebel plays devil's advocate is because it knows how to turn your opportunities into fleeting moments of sabotage. It takes the simple thought of eating a healthy, fulfilling meal and turns it into a mind game: "You don't have to eat that. You can eat whatever you want - so why don't you go and eat something baaaddd? You know you've been craving a cheeseburger all week... So go get one! Screw the people who say you should be thinner. Who are they anyway? You don't really want that. That's just shallow anyway, if all you care about is being thin. Just eat it, you don't have to answer to anyone." 

The sad thing is that the Diet Rebel is partially right. What the Diet Rebel fails to do, though, is advocate for your needs. It only advocates for your feelings - not your true needs or desires. It's in our basic human nature to go against what we are forced to do. On a diet? Well, you had a doughnut, may as well give up now! Have 10 doughnuts! Who cares! It's a doughnut party now! Screw you, diet!!!! 

The best way to combat the Diet Rebel, I've learned, is to become your own Lifestyle Ally. Your Lifestyle Ally is the voice that says "Yeah, a cheeseburger sounds good, since you're really hungry and stressed out from a long day at work. You could absolutely go get one if you really want to, since there aren't any Food Police, it's totally up to you. But I seem to recall that you were feeling really bloated the other day after eating all those nachos - and you said to yourself you want to eat more wholesome, home cooked meals because you want to start feeling better physically." 

The Lifestyle Ally takes your overall goals and feelings into consideration - not just your fleeting moments of victimization, which the Diet Rebel clings to. Which voice will you feed?

4) Negative Self Talk & Judgment

One of the most difficult tasks in my counseling sessions was to revisit the week, and recount how I felt during the week. My counselor often asked me to remain mindful throughout each week. Mindfulness simply means being in the present moment as much as possible, and being aware. How are you feeling right this second? Are you anxious, happy, sad? Why or why not? Where in your body can you feel your state of mind? I was often asked to talk about my binge eating, which was sometimes emotionally difficult to recall. Admittedly, binges for me were equivalent to alcohol for an alcoholic or narcotics to an addict. 

Over time and through extensive internal progression, my counselor pointed out a recurrent theme: guilt, anger, and punishment. Binges were triggered by anxiety, which turned into avoidance (I ate to avoid responsibilities of adulthood and difficult situations) which turned into depression, which turned into guilt, sadness, and more anxiety. All of that internal dialogue stemmed from a pretty basic fear: worthlessness and acceptance. My counselor described how I could begin to break the cycle of feeling "not good enough". The first step? Stop judging myself in any and every capacity. 

This was THE most difficult habit to break. Whenever I feel myself slipping back into the judgment zone, I revert back to old habits, almost subconsciously - I tend to overeat and get lazy and avoidant. I spend hours doing nothing, yet complaining about my situation. I revert to a victim stance - a victim who is "too distraught" or "not good enough" to take care of myself. 

Women everywhere judge themselves harshly and especially judge other women as harshly, if not more so. So why are women (not all of them - but most, and men are not excluded from this) so judgmental? Well, why wouldn't we be judgmental of others when we are so incredibly hard on ourselves? 

So how do we stop judging ourselves, so we can stop judging others? 

5) Take Action & Challenge Old Thought Patterns

Only after practicing mindfulness and awareness can we really take action in our lives. Another amazing part of my journey with Michelle is that she was so patient and thoughtful. She really took the time to listen and encouraged me to listen to my own thoughts, and to watch my own actions as if I were outside myself - to see myself through the eyes of a non judgmental person. She taught me to look upon myself with care and compassion. Trust me when I say that before I started therapy with her, I had very little compassion for myself or anyone else. 

If I can take away one of the most helpful pieces of knowledge from my time with her, it is to simply stop judging. Stop judging yourself and you will find more compassion for others along the way. Take the time this week to really listen to the thinking patterns in your mind, and without judging them, slowly start to challenge them. If you find yourself overeating, don't judge it. Learn from it and keep going. 

I truly hope these tips help you along the way in your own journey, whatever that may be. Food and weight and health are so interdependent. I feel it's best to explore internal dialogue before making external changes. If an old house is re-painted to look brand new, it doesn't stop termites from eating away at the house's foundation - Why would your body and mind be any different?

How To Maximize Your Evenings - and Quality of Life

Do you ever come home from work so exhausted and mentally drained that all you can dream of doing is taking a nap... and waking up the next morning?

If you've been there (and if you've ever actually tried that method...) you know that burning through your precious after-work hours is either impossible or it will leave you with twice as much to do tomorrow evening. If you have kids, the option to go to bed at 6:00 has probably never presented itself!

Everyone wants to feel productive. We live in a society that encourages overworking and rewards it with increased salaries, which leads to increased stress and responsibility (as if we didn't have enough). And if you can seemingly "handle it all" (juggle a family life, social life, work life, self-care, exercise, eating right, cooking homemade meals, and hobbies) according to our culture's standards, you are a super-human!

The truth is that most of us are struggling with juggling multiple priorities. What do we do with ourselves when we get home from work? Or school? I don't have any hard statistics, but I do know from working in HR that most Americans work to make money and take care of their families - they aren't necessarily working their dream jobs.

I'd like to introduce this quote, which I found incredibly insightful. I found this quote when I was reading a DIY home improvement magazine and why you should stop before you're completely burnt out on a project:

“Perfectionism, in psychology, is a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable.” (Wikipedia)

It's so true. Can you think of the last time you avoided something? Gave up on a project? Threw in the towel? If so, what was it and why? The idea that we have to perfect our work is enough to push it off - isn't it easier to admit defeat if we didn't put ourselves out there or put our effort into it? 80% of our effort is better than 100% of doing nothing - or not trying at all, to avoid the responsibility of having to be perfect.

A lot of times we feel so weighed down by the burden of responsibilities placed on us at work that we simply don't have room in our brains for creativity, exercise, hobbies, when we get home from a long and stressful day - even our romantic lives and marriages can suffer as a result. But when it comes right down to it, the message we tell ourselves is so powerful - it's human nature to avoid or brush off that which makes us vulnerable or requires extensive effort. If you try, you might fail - or be rejected. If you don't know how to do it right, why try to do it at all? Someone might criticize you. (That is the f*** it mentality talking!)

Another something to consider is our emotional state. Many people feel entitled to do whatever they want after work - after all, they've already been told by others what they should be doing all day. Have you ever told yourself "I'm going to go home, put on my sweats, and do NOTHING all evening - because I can!" It's a very empowering feeling! It may sound silly, but of course we want to go home and do "whatever we want because we can". It's the only time of day that we feel empowered by our own choices.

The problem with doing "whatever we want" is that a lot of us are so out of touch with what we want. Something feels good, we do it. A lot of things feel good, but not a lot of those things are empowering - nor do they make us innately satisfied or happy. So many people I run into have said things like "You did what!?" or "That was really ballsy of you" or "I wish I could do something like that." The truth is, I don't have any secret power or weapon to go after what I want. In fact, I am usually very weary of trying anything new.

I, like most people, normally avoid what I want or need to do to feel better, because doing what I want and what would make me feel happier requires more risk, effort, work, and energy than just slumping into the couch and leaving my butt imprint on the cushion. The payoff, however, is far more empowering than resisting efforts altogether.

Here are some things I do to keep myself motivated after a long and stressful day:

• Get some peace and quiet
• Spend time alone each night without your spouse or your kids. If you think that's impossible, you may want to reevaluate your trust in other people (people who can help you watch the kids or who will encourage you to take a time out when you need it.)
• If you feel uncomfortable spending time alone, it's important to explore that feeling of discomfort. It's natural for many people, especially extroverts, to deliberately avoid time alone, but it is vital piece of mental wellness to sit with yourself each day. (If you don't like spending time with yourself, that will be apparent to others.)
  
• Do something you love for at least an hour or more per day
• Do you love walking? Reading? Sewing? Crafting? Taking baths? Dedicate 1 hour a day, no questions asked. You will love yourself for it.
• I recently picked up a few new hobbies out of inspiration from spending time with my Mom. She loves to bead and make jewelry, re-purpose used furniture, and frequents garage sales. Those are things I never would have thought to do before, that I am now starting to love!
• How many hours do you spend each day doing things that you wouldn't do unless a paycheck was involved? One hour a day is just 4% of your entire day. Make it a priority.
  
• Take a new perspective on household chores
• Don't just do the dishes to avoid living in filth. Think of the outcome - a sparkling clean, organized home will makes you feel much more at ease and in control (a feeling we often lack in the workplace). 
• If you're really resistant to household chores, it's important to ask yourself why you feel so resistant. Were you forced to clean when you were younger (before you could have ANY fun)? Did your parents suspend your privileges if you avoided mowing the lawn? Hey, guess what, you're an adult now - take the 12 year old version of yourself out of the equation, and do it because you will feel better - not because of something that used to really annoy you! 
• No one controls us, even as adults - But the dialogue we repeat for years and years is hard to stop listening to. Start by noticing what you are avoiding, without judging yourself.
  
• Stop trying to be perfect (otherwise known as self-sabotage)
• If you go on a "diet", and you're attempting to lose weight through means of extreme self-deprivation and/or setting limits on yourself, your knee-jerk reaction one day might be "OMG I want ALL THE HORRIBLE JUNK FOOD I CAN GET MY HANDS ON!" C'mon - we've all done it! We are all guilty of falling into the psychological trap of deprivation. 
• Maybe you want to lose weight, maybe you are avoiding a food because it makes you feel tired or depressed. Maybe it doesn't have to do with food, maybe it's alcohol or cigarettes. Either way, the limits and the sabotage are symptoms of perfectionism. There's that voice again - "If I can't do it perfectly, then screw it."
• Remind yourself of why you want something. If you want a clean house, why do you want that? Is it to feel more calm? Is it because household messes stress you out? Or maybe you want to lose weight and feel better about yourself - why? Is the reason more important than sabotaging your own efforts?
• The moral of the example is to give yourself a freakin' break! The reason so many people fall into this pattern of thinking is because they place limits on themselves; then, out of the natural inner rebel that wants to be "freed" of excess limits, we sabotage our own efforts to become better people by doing something (binge eating, abusing alcohol, other addictive behaviors) which we never set out to do in the first place. 

Sometimes we just need a break from everything - and that's okay. We need a cookie or a dinner that isn't "on plan". That's okay. The trouble is when we let the games we play with ourselves overcome the bigger picture. These games are typically patterns of thought that we've learned from years and years of not knowing any other way. 

Think of it this way: It's okay to break your own set of rules, because you are already free from your own rules to begin with. You are the boss of your own life - you set your own limits, and you are free to change those limits at any given time, without having to explain it to anyone. Therefore, when you do something or eat something that isn't conducive to creating your best life, you made that choice, and it is up to you how you will react to it. Changing your perspective can be incredibly empowering.

Very rarely do we want to do the hard work it takes to feel good, to feel happy, to feel abundant. We would rather sweep it under the rug, literally and figuratively, than deal with the hard things in life. Housework is hard. Relationships are hard. Meeting someone is hard. Family is hard. Going to work is hard. But does it have a reward? 

When you put in the effort and change your perspective, you will reap the benefits of an amazing and fulfilling life.